


But You Said

by Babybucky1943



Series: What Do You Meme? [2]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Gen, Meme based, Sarcasm, the Asset takes everything literally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25008280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babybucky1943/pseuds/Babybucky1943
Summary: The meme:The soldiers complete lack of understanding sarcasm has caused many humorous moments.Brock: -annoyed at the soldier for complaining- why don’t you just cry about it?The soldier:-honest to god wailsBrock: no, wait, stop pls, you’re okay. Don’t tell Rollins. You’re fine.-later-Jack : -to the soldier- why were you crying?The soldier: complying with orders, Sir.
Series: What Do You Meme? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809061
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	But You Said

Brock Rumlow wasn’t the most patient man ever. He was well aware of this. 

Usually when he barked his orders or threw some of his scathing sarcasm at his underlings, they would jump to it. 

Brock liked being sarcastic. He liked being in control. It was just part of his charm. At least that’s what he told himself. 

There was only one six foot, metal armed problem. The soldier didn’t understand a lot of things. He especially didn’t understand sarcasm. He was too literal. The only way to get him to do things was to just put it plainly. 

Brock did okay usually. He tried not to be sarcastic around him. Every now and then he’d slip though. It was always frustratingly comical. 

Just last week he’d snapped, “Cough it up!” When he’d wanted some information that the soldier had. 

Dutifully the Asset started hacking and coughing like he was going to die.   
Rumlow rolled his eyes. “NO! Give me the intel!”

The soldier had cleared his throat. “Here, Sir.” And gave him the file. 

There’d been other occasions too. Didn’t matter how it went down. It back fired every time. 

And Rollins gave him crap for it every time too! “Watch what you say, Brock!! He doesn’t know what sarcasm is! You KNOW that!!” 

Brock scoffed at him. Like he  meant to make the Asset do stupid stuff. “He’ll just have to learn!”

Rollins barked impatiently. “That’s the thing though!! He WON’T!!”

Rumlow shrugged it off. “Whatever.”

Then, today had happened. It was so ridiculous, he hadn’t hardly had time to see the funny side of things. 

Brock had already been downright annoyed because Pierce was hot on his tail about the failure of the mission. Not a complete fail but failed enough that they didn’t get the one document he apparently couldn’t live without. He needed to find out what had happened so he was going over the mission file again 

The soldier was also whining;  again! This time it was about his boots being too tight and he wanted to take them off. 

“Take em off,” Rumlow groused, head deep in the mission dossier to see who exactly screwed up. 

“I can’t,” he whined. A few moments later he said,“Sir! I’m hungry!”

Brock took a deep breath. “In a bit.”

The soldier let out a disgruntled whine A moment later. “My vest is hot.” 

“Just WAIT!” Brock scowled. “I’ll help. I need to read this.”

There were a few minutes of quiet and then a very whiny, “I need help with my buckles.” He ineffectually tried to loosen them. 

Rumlow’s head snapped up. “I said!! Just! Wait!”

The Asset’s lower lip came out in a pout and several minutes went by. Finally he complained loudly. “You said you’d help!”

“Well!! Why don’t you just cry about it then??” Brock spit out sarcastically, nearing the end of his patience. He was pretty sure it was Falsworth! It was ALWAYS Falsworth!! Dammit Falsworth!

He started reading again then looked up in shock as the Asset burst into noisy tears. His head was thrown back and he was emitting an ear piercing wail. 

“What the fuck....?” Rumlow wondered. Then quickly thought back over his words. He slapped his forehead. Dammit! 

“Bud! Buddy. You’re okay! Shh.” He gingerly patted the soldier’s back. “Don’t cry! It’s okay!”

The soldier was having none of it! He continued to howl. 

Rumlow quickly undid his vest buckles, removed the uncomfortable tac vest and then straightened hisT-shirt. “Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay.” He kept patting anxiously trying to calm him down. 

The noise finally stopped. Brock sighed in relief. Geez. He quickly mopped up the Asset’s face, wiping off the running eye black. “You good now?”

The soldier looked at him, his lower lip still quivering a little. 

“Don’t cry anymore! I’ll fix it. I promise.” He removed the Asset’s boots. “Don’t tell Rollins. Please.”

The soldier sat quietly now, watching him. 

Rumlow went back to his file. “Were you with Falsworth on the mission?”   
The soldier nodded.

Rumlow ground his teeth in frustration. “Falsworth needs to benailed to the damn wall! Always screwing stuff up!”

The Asset was dressed in sweats and a fresh T-shirt by the time Jack came and got him for his dinner. 

“C’mon buddy.” Rollins started off. 

The soldier followed him but suddenly veered off without explanation. 

Rollins got all the way to the kitchen then looked around frantically. Where was the soldier?? He got Brock on coms. “Uh, did the Asset go back to your office?”

“No,” Rumlow said slowly. “Why? You lost him?” 

“He can’t be far,” Rollins said, about to backtrack when the Asset came in dusting his hands off a little. 

Jack studied him carefully. “What were you doing?” 

“Commander gave an order.” No more information was forthcoming however. 

“He did?” Jack asked with slight trepidation. What had Rumlow said this time? Hopefully nothing too crazy. “Alright. Here. Have your dinner.”

The soldier obediently sat in his chair, sipping his shake. 

Rollins stroked his hair a bit. “Why were you crying earlier?” He’d heard the wails. He was pretty sure that the president had heard the caterwauling! 

The Asset looked up at him and took the straw out of his mouth. “Complying with orders, sir.”

Rollins sighed deeply through his nose. Rumlow. Go figure. Brock and his stupid habit of sarcasm. “What did Commander tell you to do?”

“He told me to cry about it, so I did.” 

Rollins shook his head with a sigh. “Okay. Well....uh good job.”

The soldier nodded, then he shrugged and went back to his shake. 

Rumlow stalked in. “Rollins! Where was the Asset when he was supposed to be holding the suspect? Was he with Falsworth?” He was pretty sure he’d found the culprit after combing through the details. 

Jack looked at him. “I assume he was holding the suspect. I was with you, remember?? No idea about Falsworth.”

Rumlow growled something unsavoury. “Well I need to find Falsworth!! He screwed up!!”

“Haven’t seen Falsworth since we got back.” Rollins shook the soldiers cup to see how much was left. 

“I can take you to Agent Falsworth,” the Asset said, getting up. 

Rumlow frowned. “How do you know?”

Brock and Jack followed the soldier to an empty office. 

Poor Falsworth was hanging on the wall with about a dozen nails shot through his clothes. He was babbling anxiously, apologizing to Rumlow and Rollins. “Please get me down! I’m sorry!!” 

Rumlow stared long and hard at the writhing agent. “What.....?”

Falsworth started stuttering. “The soldier said you told him to!”

Rollins slowly turned to Rumlow with an unimpressed frown. “You did it again.”

Brock rolled his eyes. “He did, huh? Geez, Soldier, justbeat me on the head! Okay? Would be less frustrating!” 

The Asset turned, metal arm whirring ominously. “Okay.”

“NO!” Rollins screeched as he raised his arm to hit Brock. 

Rumlow ducked just in time and stared at the soldier. “What the HELL??”

Rollins’ eyes were wide but his eyebrows raised up. “YOU said!! All your stupid comments!! This is YOUR fault, Brock!” 

Rumlow didn’t usually back down but this time he bit his tongue. It took a long moment of self speculation. “Dammit!” He looked at the soldier. “Sit!”

The Asset sat, looking a little confused. 

Rollins shook his head. “I’m telling you. Watch what you say.” He started pulling the nails out of the wall until Falsworth fell onto the floor in an undignified heap. 

Rumlow glanced at the soldier, his big eyes on Brock as he awaited further instructions. “Really? You’re just gonna take everything I say as an order?”

The soldier nodded. “Yes sir. I am ready to comply.”

Brock sighed and brushed his hand over his face. “Fine. I’ll try harder to watch my words. But really.... you should-”

“BROCK!” Rollins roared in warning.

Rumlow gave Jack a grin. “Get ready for bed.” 

Rollins gave Brock a scathing look. “You A-hole!! You need a boot up your ass!!”

“Sir?” The soldier asked, “Should I retrieve my boot?”

Rollins exchanged a look with Rumlow. “Oops. Bedtime, Soldier!”

With a nod, the Asset followed Rollins down the corridor.   


Brock thought maybe he should try a bit harder to contain his sarcasm.


End file.
